I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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