he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
