GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
