It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
this is an emotional support booty call
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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