We need to rekindle our bromance
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
