Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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