Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
