My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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