he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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