EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
