Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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