He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
