Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
