he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
