Redeem this text for a blowjob
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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