tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
