So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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