Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
