Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
