Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Randomize
