I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
