Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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