I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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