I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He passed out mid-signature
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
