I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
