i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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