What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I need to align my fucking chakras
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
