areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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