Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
