And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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