Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
