Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
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