You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
