I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
