He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
