He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
