Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
