I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
