I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize