I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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