I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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