You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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