Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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