the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
