It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize