she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I know her cup size but not her name....
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