those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
