I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
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