Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
40s are totally the cure
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize