Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
