I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
