chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
