What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize