You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
