hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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