i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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