Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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