I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
