Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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