arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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