Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
