I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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