Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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