Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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