i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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