Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
