So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
