put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
