My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
