At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
